isn’t it sad, how the person i want to end up with, wants to end up with someone else
why do i keep listening to his stories, replying, as if i’m not the one with feelings towards him right now.
and as i’m writing this, i’m still keeping up with his bullshit stories about this other girl he’s madly in love with and would give the world to her. he’d wait for her as long as it takes. knowing how hard and long it would be. even giving up on another girl he’s been talking with just so it wouldn’t go too deep.
i feel like this is my saddest love story so far. the most hurtful part is that i can’t let the world know that i’m in pain, listening to his stories, responding as if i have 0 hope in ending up with him.
i’ve told some of my friends about this, about the way he makes me feel. my bestfriend was the first person to know that i’ve developed some sort of feelings when he first sent me those stickers, first flirtatious chats on line. but then ended up with him being too comfortable with me to share about the girls he’s been talking to and admired.
it sucks.. you know.. to be the person with a hopeful feeling towards this guy, only to be kicked under a rug just because this wall that i built showed no interest. damn… how can he not see that i’m interested in him.
i literally made the playlist “i like u so much u’ll know it”
i ended the playlist with the song from Katherine Li “Never Had a Chance”
“Why am I still here and waiting for us to happen cause you’d never want it
Everything I loved about you I probably imagined
’Cause you never had it”
why am I such a people pleaser? I even please the guys I crush on by listening to their shitty stories. why can’t I be the one they talk about? why can’t our chats be you wanting to get close to me, i feel like you’re somehow just keeping me around. would you still keep me around if you knew i’ve had feelings for you all this long? i don’t think so… but knowing how anjing and bangsat you are, since i listen to all your stories, idk it still somehow doesn’t make my feelings any less.
but it did somehow make me feel more hopeless.
but you’re also a hopeless romantic, why can’t we be hopeless romantics together? why’d you gotta long on this girl who’s not even replying you. who’s not even there for you? i mean can’t you see that i’m the one who’s always been there for you? always. you said we were your two guardian angels. i mean what does that even mean?
well it turns out, since i’m considered as your sahabat, you literally just said “gamau deketin sahabat karena gamau kehilangan sahabat juga” this validates my sentences when i said “i feel like you’re just keeping me around somehow”
i can’t figure out my feelings towards you. it’s always been there. even if it’s not there, it’s probably hiding somewhere. but then somehow you manage to come in my life again unannounced, and easily talk with me like you never left. it’s always like that. and always have been and always will be.
